Void
by xrightwhereitbelongs
Summary: The moment before Chas dies. Chastine so baa to you!


This is it. This is what I've been waiting for, a moment like this one where John is so incredibly close, where we're the only two people in a world of crazy shit.  
I know I shouldn't be thinking about it. I know that John needs my full attention, that if I screw this up the whole world is literally fucked… but he's just so close. I can feel his hot breath mingling with my own as we chant just inches from each other. I can smell him… God he's so close.  
All it would take to kiss those perfect lips would be to lean in just a little bit further… a little bit further and those perfect lips could be on mine but it will never happen.  
As we continue to chant I can't help noticing how perfect our voices sound together like a key fitting into a lock… made for each other. It's mind-blowing just watching you at what you do best, I can't believe I haven't seen this before… haven't see how amazing you really are because you're more than just another pretty face John, you're more than anything I could ever hope to be.  
You're damned to an eternity in hell but still you fight for God's army, this isn't for you, John it never was. You're fighting for the greater good, you're fighting for Angela, for Isabel, for me… at least I hope you're fighting for me. Do you even think of me John? As we're sitting here giving this our all, are you thinking about me? The boy who is finally proving himself to you, the boy who has waited his whole life for this one moment at your side?  
You're so close John. What I would give for just one second of your touch but the world comes first John, as much as I wish it didn't the world will always come first.  
Thinking back there were so many moments like this one. So many times I could have reached out and touched your pale face but never had the nerve, I'm such a coward John I always was.  
Your face is near to my own… why can't this be another situation? Why does this have to be a twisted 'end of the world' scenario? There are so many what ifs John, why can't life just be simple? But you've taught me never to underestimate the situation, anything could happen so maybe we could still be together?  
Angela is still kicking, I can feel her fear it's such a strange thing to feel… I'm not paying much attention to Angela anymore my ears are tuned only to your voice. I can hear every syllable of the Latin you chant and it's driving me crazy! Why don't you ever talk to me in Latin John?  
I can feel the body in my hands start to calm.  
We've done it John! That's it!  
Didn't think I could cut it did you? Always thought I wasn't strong enough! I proved you wrong John! Maybe now you'll respect me a little…  
Your breathing is so heavy we're both trying to catch our breath… was it just the chant or was it something more? Something deeper?  
I know you can feel it! I can feel it to John it's something special, something undeniable.  
I move back a little surveying Angela's blank face. We really did it!  
It's a feeling I haven't ever felt before… pride.  
I haven't accomplished much in my life, I never really had anything to accomplish! But saving the world… that was awesome!  
You drop down in exhaustion. I forget how weak you are… dying from lung cancer but still you're so strong. Not many people could do what you just did John let alone someone with a terminal illness. Terminal…  
"Not bad kid." You say.  
I look up seeing the slight smile on your face.  
Not bad… I'm pretty sure I did better than that! But still coming from you that was the highest compliment I could ever receive.  
I smile looking over to you, I always knew you felt something John that deep down you knew I could help but you were always too stubborn to allow it.  
"Not bad you hear that? You know why that is? It's because this is Kramer, Chas Kramer ass…" I can feel something's wrong before it happens.  
My body feels like its being pulled by some hidden force… I feel like a useless lump of metal being dragged towards a magnet…  
It happens so quickly I barely have time to breathe let alone stop it.  
I want to tell you John. I want to let you know it's not right…  
I feel my body rising from the ground being pulled upwards and the only thing I can think of is - SHIT! This can't be good.  
You try and catch me John and for that I will always be grateful, even if you are too late you tried.  
My body collides with the rock solid ceiling and pain explodes throughout my body. The pain I can deal with John but then I feel myself falling, my stomach doing somersaults I know what's coming next. Another wave of pain and it happens again. This time I land with a sickening crunch.  
I know my bones are broken… pretty much every bone at that.  
Breathing isn't possible through this pain, my vision slowly blurring…  
You run to my side but it's too late to do anything. The damage is done.  
"Chas"  
You're looking at me now, those chocolate brown eyes staring into my own. I can feel your pain John because it's my pain too.  
I know this is the end for me and somehow I feel robbed… not of my life but of you.  
We could have had a future John… I try to reach for your hand which rests softly on my shoulder.  
I love you John.  
It's taken me so long to realise it but I love you. Why is it that you never realise what you have until it's too late? A cliché I know but it's too true.  
"You're right, John. It's not like the books." I force the words out even though it hurts like hell.  
Why did I say that? It's too late now. I can't change my worlds.  
All I can do is stare into those liquid eyes praying that you know.  
"No… It isn't"  
You stay with me John as everything begins to fade and all I can think of is life (or death) without you.  
And then you're gone (or I'm gone) and there is nothing that can fill the void caused by your absence. 


End file.
